People like different kinds of sex. You can do whatever you want in the bedroom, as long as everyone involved consents. But how can you know what someone else wants? It’s important to try and read people’s body language and ask them what they want, to make sure you and your partner are into the same things. Asking might initially feel hard and kind of awkward. But every time you ask is good practice and a way to make sure you never cross anyone’s boundaries. Because disrespecting someone’s sexual boundaries is illegal, it’s a crime. You might think all you need to do is ask and get a ‘yes’ in response. But it’s also about looking out for other signs that the other person is enjoying the sex as much as you are. And it’s just as important to respect their ‘no’. It’s never okey to cajole someone into saying yes!
So how do you check whether the person you’re into wants to try out the same things you’re keen to explore? Our advice: don’t just ask whether they want to do what you want to do. Instead, ask them what they like, what feels good for them and what they want to try out.
Communication during sex is very important to find out what the other person wants. When you know what your partner is into, sex actually feels nicer and becomes more fun. Many people watch porn to get an idea of what sex is like. But it can be good to remember that porn never shows what sex is really like. Porn won’t teach you how to check whether your sexual partner feels safe and whether they’re enjoying themselves as much as you are.
Porn tries to tell us what we should enjoy or be okay with – even when it’s something we might not like at all. So it’s really important to always ask and make sure that the other really wants to do the things you’re suggesting in bed. It’s very common in porn for the girl to say no, only for the guy to ignore them and just continue. Porn can trick you into thinking consent doesn’t matter – but it does. Because sex without consent is not okay; it’s a crime.